True Love = True Revision

The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam.... And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva.... So tweasure your wuv.

Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end.

The Impressive Clergyman: Have you da wing?

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As an early, cynical teen, I watched The Princess Bride for the first time and found to my heart ‘s delight a soul-mate in  William Goldman and Rob Reiner’s vision of “tru wuv” and the false trappings of Western romance. Buttercup was an idiot. Wesley only loved her for her perfect breasts. The Prince needed a helpless victim so he could justify going to war. Vizzini loved only himself. The only “tru wuv”s in the movie were the deep friendship between Inigo and Fezzik and the love of the grandfather for his grandson.

Which suited cynical me just fine. I cheered when stupid Wesley died in the first five minutes. My sister reassured me, “He doesn’t really die,” spoiling the rest of the movie for me. (I almost quit watching, but she insisted it got better, including the best sword fight ever, so I stuck it out. It was worth the sword fight.) I hated the fact it ended up being a “kissing book,” but when I read the REAL book and found out the REAL sad, depressing, heart wrenching ending, I cheered even more! Down with romance! Down with “wuv”! Romance is stupid!

So, I grew up, determined not to fall into the trap, determined to live single my entire life and, whoops, what happens? Uh, hmm. Yep. God has a sense of humor. Never say never. I protested too much. All that jazz hands. 

Seventeen years ago I married an amazing man who has cheered and suffered with me through all of what life has brought us. And not brought us. It’s been wonderful. It’s been awful. It’s been hysterical. It’s been depressing. But through it all, we’ve clung to each other, relied on each other, and supported each other with a singular focus: divorce is not an option because love is sometimes a choice, not a feeling.

Now I realize this is a philosophy not everyone can accept. I’m not going to judge, scream at, look down on, or make fun of anyone who disagrees with me or who had gotten a divorce. Everyone has to make their own choices in life. And it has to be a choice that BOTH parties make. For us, this is OUR choice and it has worked for us.

See, the Greek language describes love better than English does. We have this one word “love” and it covers a multitude of feelings. “I love pizza,” doesn’t really mean the same as, “I love Hugh Jackman,” and “I love my husband,” is in another category altogether. And when I say, “I love my neighbor,” I may not like them, but I respect them as a fellow human being and that is another type of love. 

In my opinion, Western love has been warped into this strange creature, flighty and unknowable, that changes with the seasons, is focused mainly on the act of sexual gratification, and carries little meaning other than what one feels in the moment: what is good for ME right NOW. That isn't love. That's selfishness. Greed. Self-gratification.

Wouldn’t the world be a strange place if—crazy concept—love was instead a commitment to creating an environment--a community--where other parties are uplifted and happy? Feel safe and secure? Where others' needs are put before the needs of the self? Delayed gratification for the self—especially physically—so that other people's needs are met first? Hmmm. A bit of life revision might be needed there. 

A strange thing happens when you serve others with this kind of love: you receive more love back AND you feel better about yourself. WHOA! I don't know if we're ready for THAT kind of world. No riots, no shootings, no rapes, no burglaries...I can dream, right?

But let's get back to reality. Can "tru wuv" exist in this awful world of ours? Can people stand each other long enough to live 20, 30, even 50 years together anymore and be happy? My parents have hit 50 and Husband's parents are close. They're happy. I know others with some time on their rings who are happy. Something has to be working for some people.

Therefore, I decided I would publish MY list of what I think are examples of “tru wuv” in my relationship. It might not be for yours, but it is real and it is raw and it is from the heart:

“Tru wuv” is:

• A husband who quietly searches through laundry baskets for his clothes because the wife only does “emergency” laundry until there’s nothing left to do, then she does a panicked fury of seven loads in a day (the number of baskets we have) but doesn’t put the clothes up. 
• A husband who patiently scoots over the wife’s piles of stuff to do his work. Note that “piles” is plural and that every flat surface in the house is covered with piles. Including sections of the floor.
• A husband who calmly listens to his wife scream about how hard her job is, watches her fall asleep on the couch, makes her mac and cheese or chicken quesadillas for supper, then holds her as she cries and eats it. 
• A husband who helps her find her lost keys. Again. And again. Did I mention again?
• A husband who washes the dishes without being asked. And puts them away. Unlike the wife who forgets to put away the laundry.
• Did I mention helping her find the keys?
• A husband who knows when to comfort his wife, when to let her grumble in the corner, and when to ask her, “Do you want to go for a run, dear?”
• A husband who is still at home when the wife doesn’t get home from work until 8:00 or 9:00 pm several days in a row. 
• A husband who can discuss politics, religion, Dungeons and Dragons, Internet memes, and computers with the wife and not only keep up, but keep her intrigued. And teach her something. 
• A husband who forgives his wife for what she can’t give him and lives with her depression and craziness when she can’t control it. 
• A husband who isn’t perfect but tries to be the best husband he can, so the wife will reciprocate. 

I have to admit, I haven’t been the best wife I can be lately. My job, my writing, my editing, and my life in general have taken over and I haven’t been spending the time I should on my relationship. I aim to change that, though.

Revision. It’s what makes life interesting…and hopefully better.
To commemorate my step in the right direction, I decided to do something I’ve been putting off. Not out of any other reason other than forgetfulness. It has to do with that box up at the top. 

You see, when I started running, I began to lose weight. Soon, I couldn’t wear my wedding ring. So, I took it off and put it in my jewelry box so it wouldn’t get flung off or lost somewhere. Husband never complained but he did mention it a few times. I know he missed seeing it on my finger.

Last week I took it to a jeweler to have it resized. I didn’t tell Husband. During our anniversary dinner, I gave it to him to give back to me. He smiled, pulled it out, and slipped it on my finger.

Again.

Full-circle revision. The power of the One Ring.

See what I did there? (See last week's post.)

Now, you try.

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Next main course on Revision is a Dish Best Served Cold: 

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Also look for my articles on Walrus Publishing’s website. 

Currently: Adverbaholics Anonymous

Like Ghost Stories? I’m published in Rocking Horse Publishing’s

Spirits of St. Louis: Missouri Ghost Stories. Check it out!

The Metaphor of the Ring in Fantasy

One Ring to rule them all, One ring to find them; One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Any fantasy geek that's read his or her share of lore knows where this quote originates. And he or she knows there's more to the story: there's not just One Ring. There are 20 total:

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

And if you've read J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, not just watched Peter Jackson's masterful interpretation of the series, you know these rings pack a powerful punch. They also hint of powers we don't see in the books or on the screen.

My question is, though, why a ring? Why not a necklace? Or a brooch or a button or a earring? (Those do exist, but...) What is so mythical about a ring? You know Tolkien isn't the first to use this piece of jewelry as a foil for a metaphor for power don't you? Here are a few examples:

Classical Antiquity:
The Ring of Gyges was found by a shepherd and could supposedly turn the wearer invisible. He used it to overthrow the king and become ruler himself.

Demonology:
The Seal/Ring of Solomon or Ring of Aandaleeb was purportedly given to King Solomon by the Archangel Gabriel to control demons who were interfering with the construction of God's temple.

Norse Mythology:
The Kingmoor Ring detailed with Viking runes was supposed to ward off sickness.

The plot of William Makepeace Thackeray's novel The Rose and the Ring revolves around a ring that made the wearer beautiful to those who saw him or her.

Piers Anthony presents a ring of wishes in Castle Roogna (a popular theme reflected in modern role-playing games, but GMs tend to be picky on the wording and don't give out pure wishes anymore. The Wish of Bureaucracy may be the worst.)

Forgotten Realms and other d20 role playing games include a variety of magic rings.

Green Lantern's ring that harnesses willpower and the various other colored rings in his universe.

C.S. Lewis' book The Magician's Nephew has rings that allow transportation between universes.

So...why do writers choose rings?

Here are a few of my theories:

1. It's easy for both friend and foe to see, therefore you can show your power without flaunting it. Or flaunt it if you wish.
2. It's easy to hide with a glove unless your bling is large and gaudy.
3. It's easy to access if it needs to be activated (twisted, touched, pressed, etc.)
4. You can access it without anyone knowing (behind your back, as your arms are crossed, etc.).
5. As most powerful objects are cursed, it's an easy location to either (a.) get stuck and not come off or (b.) accidentally come off at the wrong moment.
6. Point and shoot if it's that kind of power.
7. Rings signify eternity (an unending band of material) and if made of gold or platinum, nontarnishable material. That in itself is powerful.
8. Depending on the finger where you place it, supposedly you access different power centers in the body (I won't discuss that here. Too much conflicting info out there. Cool stuff, though.)
9. If you're a bad guy and the plot requires the good guy to get the ring, it's generally a matter of "hack off the finger/hand" and run. Gross, but highly effective as a plot device. Trying to hack off an ear for an earring or grabbing someone's chest for a necklace can get a little slapstick. Works if you're writing comedy, though.
10. They're in general small. Easy to transport, hide, and steal. Another cool plot device.

But what does this metaphor mean?

Besides being a fashion statement, rings symbolize our tie to something. It may be a person, a memory, a place or whatever else. That tie, though, is powerful. Every time we see that ring, touch it, spin it, hold it in our hands, we think about that person, memory, place, or whatever. It's an eternal band of emotion wrapped around our hearts and minds that we can't shake off even if the physical ring itself is lost or if the ring is no longer worn.

Rings are powerful pieces of modern magic that when used by the right people in the right way can forge amazing bonds. I hate it when I see people blithely throwing rings at each other only to split up a few months later because they now "love" someone else. A ring is supposed to mean a commitment, not just a gushy feeling of, "Ooh, this person is HOT!" 

What does love really mean?

Where am I going with this? 

Next week is October, my birthaversary month. (You read that right. Husband and I married on my birthday.) I have a very special post for my very special person and I can't wait to share it with all of you, too.

Revision isn't just for writing. It's for life, too. And boy, have things changed in 17 years!

What does the ring metaphor mean to you (either in literature or in life)?

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Next main course on Revision is a Dish Best Served Cold: 

True Love = True Revision

Also look for my articles on Walrus Publishing’s website. 

Currently: Adverbaholics Anonymous

Like Ghost Stories? I’m published in Rocking Horse Publishing’s

Spirits of St. Louis: Missouri Ghost Stories. Check it out!