Time Crunch...Avoiding the Falling Piano

We all have that day or week that events conspire to swamp us all at once: all the deadlines sync, all the hormones crash, everyone needs a piece of our time, the house is a wreck, we have no clean clothes, and to top it off, there's nothing to eat but canned soup and Ramen noodles. At this point I turn to my husband and say, "Idonwanna!" in a whinny two-year-old voice. He smiles and hugs me and for a moment it all goes away.

But I still have to deal with it.

For me, it all comes down to revising my life down to the essentials: what MUST be done and in what order. Once I make my list I start to feel better about the mountain of work ahead. With two newsletters, 650 kids to test, 30 total miles to run, four sets of submissions for four publications due, a night class to prep for on Thursday and the aforementioned laundry, dishes, and meals, I'm a little panicked about this week. Plus, I have some great ideas prepped for my novel and I want to finish the first draft as soon as I can, but when can I fit that in? What do I give up? My writing? The laundry and dishes?

I keep forgetting living well isn't all or nothing. I don't have to throw up my hands and surrender the entire week of anything. Instead, I should focus on each day and do what I can then forgive myself the rest. A body can only do what a body can do.

So, deep breath, list out, baskets of laundry ready to go, Garmin charging for my next run, notes for my stories sitting next to my computer, research for Thursday's class at the ready. Zen the days efficiently, Cannon. Smile and enjoy the journey. Pianos don't fall from the sky every day. And when they do, they make for great stories to tell later.

Expectations...Give me an Anvil and I'll Pound in my Head

Trust me, there's no one in this world who's a greater nemesis to me than myself. Oh, yeah, I have people that upset me, anger me, frustrate me, drive me crazy, and often make me question the direction of the human race, but when it comes right down to hate, it's that woman in the mirror who gets the brunt of the blow 100% of the time.

Don't get me wrong. I'm generally a very positive person. Even about myself. I have improved through the years. It's just that I've become so good at self-depreciation through the years, it comes easily and naturally. Especially in times of stress. For me, it's easier to take the fall, take the blame, take the bloody nose rather than try to prove I'm smart and lovable and wonderful...

...because deep down I still think I'm not.

I can think of some off-color phrases my husband, my close friends, and my family would insert right now that are not "G" rated contradicting my belief. I smile and blush and thank them profusely.

So why can't *I* see this? Why is it that we can't see the wonderfulness that is us? As a teacher, I run into the same issue with kids at school. I see their potential, their inner beauty, their amazing nature to learn and see and grow, yet many of them are limited because they think they are ugly and stupid and worthless. I coach them and push them and cheer their every success yet still, in the end, they still believe, as I do: I am not the wonderful person everyone thinks I am.

I think what it comes down to is expectations. We each have a set of expectations that are set based on some ridiculous bar set by society or media or fiction that is unattainable. Don't get me wrong. I believe high expectations gets you great results. But sometimes in the night when all you're left with is your thoughts, those little negative voices, they whisper poison in your ear that is counterproductive. And when you start listening to those thoughts, they start eating you from the inside out. It's a pain no one can see and no one can help you with unless you ask...but how do you express your pain without it sounding like, "Hey, would you give me a compliment today? I'm all about me and you should be, too." That is so not the point.

So when I get in these moods, I remind myself of how hard I've worked to get where I am physically, mentally, and spiritually. Peace doesn't come easily nor does it stay without constant effort. Counterintuitive, but I have found, true. I remind myself of the people around me who care about me and wouldn't STAY around me if they didn't care. What do I have otherwise that they would want? My furniture? Ha! And I also look at my expectations: am I expecting TOO much of myself? Do I need to say "no" so that I can focus and be wonderful at the things I need to do rather than being stressed about the million things I have to be doing?

Finally, I remind myself, I cannot allow myself to be defined by my failures. Failure is merely an opportunity to rise above the shattered remains of the past and grow stronger to face the next challenge. What is past is past. Leave it there.

On to the next revision, then.

Reflections on the Summer: Cannon the Crazy Woman

As I pause before the storm of school hits this week, I grow a little maudlin about the passing of summer: I woke up when I wanted, took naps galore, went wherever my heart desired, only got out of my pj's once a week...oh, wait a minute. That's someone else. Sorry. But still, I will miss the freedom I had to create my own schedule and do a number of things I didn't have time to do during the school year.

First, I wrote a lot of stories, articles, and the majority of my second novel. Plus, it was a successful publishing summer as well! One piece in an on-line literary magazine, won an honorable mention in an international flash-fiction contest, three of my pieces will be published this fall in an anthology, and I still have a lot of pieces submitted in "possibility land." Who knew 40 would be this great!?

Our Fourth of July family reunion was lots of fun. Too much food, lots of conversation, a variety of instruments and songs played and sung, and did I mention too much food? My eldest sister and I found an alternate use for the hand-sewn tutus made for the grandkids. The family decided we looked like Thing 1 and Thing 2. Very well then. ;-)

I ran my fastest mile EVER. In the HEAT and HUMIDITY! 8:49! Now, for those of you who know anything about running, I realize that's nothing to brag about at the track with "real runners." You know, those, tall lanky (or short skinny) folks that can run a marathon in three hours or less. Or belt out a 100m sprint in 13 seconds. (If you've never seen that live, you're missing something amazing!) But in three years, this nearly 200 lb. woman (yes, I do weigh less than that but I'm rounding) has gone from a 12:12 mile to an 8:49 mile and I think that's something to be proud of. I'm aiming for 8:30 this fall and a 5k time of 28:00 this fall/winter season. That's AFTER the November 2nd marathon: 26.2 miles of body-jarring, sweat inducing, energy-sucking exhilaration. Do I know how to have fun or what?

I almost had my house clean. I baked cookies, pies, and made real meals a few times. My husband almost recognized he had a wife for a few weeks there. Poor man. He puts up with so much. Love him dearly!

And I also taught a few adult classes out at the CTC. I love doing those simply because I don't have to worry about doing anything but teaching. Enough said.

Here's where I vow to myself to carve out a piece of every day, no matter how small a piece, to write, to revise, to do SOMETHING "writerly" daily. I know I'll be busy teaching, meeting, supervising, and worrying about various aspects of my job and the students I work with. It isn't going to be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. That's what makes everything I do an accomplishment. That's what makes it all worthwhile. That's what makes people stop and say, "Cannon, you crazy woman!" Hehe. Yep. That's me wearing a 5k shirt and a purple tutu on my head. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I Am Borg...The Power of the Hive Mind

For those of you who aren't Trek fans, let me 'splain my title. No, wait. Is too much. Let me sum up: The Borg, in Star Trek fandom, is one of the Federation's ultimate enemies. The Borg is a Collective where no one is an individual. All independent thought is suppressed. The goal of every drone is the betterment of the Collective. A little like a bee hive or ant colony, only focused on universal domination and the destruction of all other sentient and independent beings. (Insert political joke of your persuasion here if you choose.)

But being part of a collective doesn't have to be evil. It can be a good thing. No, no! I haven't gone to the dark side. Even though in the mornings when I run with my headlamp, my beeping Garmin watch, my headphones, my reflective gear, etc. etc. I may look like a cyborg, I'm still mostly human. Mostly. ;-)

Back to the point.

When you work in a critique group or if you ask others to read your work and give you feedback, you are part of a collective. You're putting your minds together and trying to reach a common goal: a better piece of work. It may be your piece or theirs. It may be a piece you're working on together. In any case, as a collective, you have to work together to re-work the writing into a better piece.

There's one thing, though, that we humans often forget when trying to work as a collective: leave your ego at the door. This is for all parties involved. If you're asking for help, read the help with an open mind and realize the comments aren't meant as a personal attack but as a way to improve your work. Conversely, if you're trying to help, make sure you're making suggestions that will help improve the work, not just point out its flaws. And also praise the parts that are good, too.

See how this works?

Years of violin master classes and college critique groups have toughened my skin quite a bit. I can take a tongue lashing (or a red pen lashing, as it were) pretty well. However, I'm not everyone. Some people come out of their first collaboration/critiquing session and swear never to do one again. Worse, they swear never to write again!

So next time you're asked to look at someone's piece and give your opinion, consider this: collaboration is a jeweler's kit, not a jack hammer. Give them gems that highlight the jewelry they crafted, not break the concrete of the foundation they've tried to build.

Hitting the wall...Marathon writing Gu

For those of you who don't know, I'm an avid runner as well as a writer. Avid as in I'm in training for my second marathon. Over the past three years I've run over 30 5k's (3.1 miles) a few 10k's (6.2 miles) and 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles) and one doomed from the start but very funny (after it was finished) marathon. I intend to redeem myself by running this upcoming one without making a bunch of rookie mistakes. We'll see.

How does this relate to writing and revision? Just bear with me.

When training for a marathon (26.2 miles and yeah, that's a LONNNNNG way to run without taking a nap!) you have to plan on certain factors that non-runners never think of. For those of us who aren't elite runners, it's going to take 4-6 hours to complete the course. That means we have to deal with these issues longer than those who can throw down a 2-3 hour marathon. THOSE people are freaks of nature. But in a good way. And I'm friends with some of them.

But as to the issues...remember, I do have a point!

Chafing and blistering: I won't get graphic, but after several hours of certain body parts rubbing against fabric (or other body parts), skin gets irritated. While training, you need to learn where your chafing and blistering points are, apply your preferred sweat-resistant chafing cream ahead of time, and you're golden. Except sometimes your toenails fall off, (which is a bragging point among runners) but that's another issue. 

Hydration and nutrition are other issues.That means you're going to sweat not just water but electrolytes and lose a lot of glycogen. During our long training runs, we try out different types of "gu" or "blocks" that add back some of those needed electrolytes and glycogen so we can keep running. One of a runner's worst nightmares is to get a DNF (did not finish) especially on a race that they've spent so much training time and money on.

For those who don't know, glycogen is the sugar in the body that gives runners their "kick". When you run out, your body hits the clutch, pops into neutral, and slowly shifts gears into fat burning mode. This is a long, slow, PAINFUL process called HITTING THE WALL. It's when you mentally and physically feel you have to give up because you have nothing left to give. Your body is in the process of shifting gears so it's spinning wheels on gravel, your mind is freaking out (studies show you actually produce chemicals that produce negative emotions!) because your body isn't reacting the way it supposed to, and the whole experience can literally stop you in your tracks.

If you let it.

So, dear writers. What does this have to do with writing?

Sometimes we get chafing and blistering when we constantly rewrite and rewrite a scene that isn't working. We do it so much the scene becomes meaningless and gets further and further out of context with the rest of the piece. What should we do? Well, I have two suggestions. One. Remove what's causing the chaffing. What are you saying, Cannon? Take out the scene? Yep. Take it out. Take it all out. Then re-write it from scratch without looking at what you had before. I guarantee you'll be happier with what you had before. It's a lot of work, but it's better than ending up with blisters every time you face that scene (or worse, procrastination syndrome because you're tired of working on it). Second suggestion is to take the scene, outline what you want it to say on a piece of paper or a separate document, THEN revise it. Either way, you should be able to "glide" your way past the blister. (Haha. Glide is a brand of chaffing prevention cream. Just in case you didn't know.)

And what happens when you run out of glycogen stores and you...JUST...CAN'T...WRITE? Well, okay, I'll admit, that's what I'm doing right now. Finding my writing "Gu" to recharge my creative stores. Blogging instead of working on my novel sometimes does that for me. So write, just don't write on the piece that you've been banging your head against. Keep writing otherwise you'll again get into the procrastination syndrome. But there's no sin in writing something else while your body and brain recover from whatever trauma they're dealing with that is preventing you from writing on your story. I'm dealing with a lot mentally right now. Physically, it's been really HOT lately and with the uptick in getting ready for school and training for this marathon, I just haven't been in the game. But I'm not giving up. I'm still going to write.

When I ran my first marathon I had two injured knees, fainted 1/2 way through (then got my butt up off the ground because I WASN'T going to get a DNF on my first marathon!), got leg cramps, stomach cramps, overheated, and sunburned but I learned a valuable lesson: persistence. Don't give up. Never give up. Find a way. It may take longer than you want but persistence is a stronger tool than any other. Go ye therefore and write!

Long Roads, Heartaches, and Why Can't I Just be a Writer?

At various times in my life, I've complained about my jobs. Yeah, I admit it publicly. I'm not always perky and silly and punny. Sometimes I yell and get angry and frustrated just like every other human being on the planet.

My current job is no exception. While I love working with children, love teaching technology, and love the people I work with, it saps nearly all my energy. During the school year when I come home at night I am a nearly lifeless husk of a pod-person. Being an introvert in an extrovert's world will do that. Sometimes I wonder how I drive home in my dazed stupor. I have no active brain cells left to write with, therefore, August through May, I write almost nothing creative at all. Which makes me sad. Nine months of the year lost because I have to eat, pay for a place to live, pay insurance, and fill my car with gas.

And I begin to wonder...wouldn't I be a better writer if I could quit my job and write full time? If my husband made enough money for us to live on, I could do the freelance gig to fill in the gaps while writing my stories and novels on the side and that would be bliss incarnate. What if we cut back a little more here and there, went out to eat less, and saved our money more? We could make it. It would make me a better writer. Really!

Maybe.

Then again, when I look at the YA novel I'm writing I couldn't have done that without LIVING around children who deal with real issues of abuse, neglect, learning disabilities, and social dysfunctions every day. Currently I have two people very close to me who are going through very scary medical situations. If I didn't take time off from writing and go visit them and cry with them and comfort them, I wouldn't see what going through those situations felt like.

Research is a wonderful tool. The Internet is my friend when it comes to many aspects of my books because I can't possibly know everything about everything. But when it comes to PEOPLE, nothing substitutes the actual living of your life to make your writing real. You will create more believable, more REAL characters when you really live. Sometimes that means you're not able to write as much as you want.

But some day, there will be a day when I won't have breakfast duty, lunch duty and bus duty all in the same day that I have three meetings, no prep hour, and have to break up a girl fight. (Girl fights are the WORST!) I look forward to that day.

Ah, retirement. Fourteen years down the road. Unless my husband suddenly gets a six-figure job. Which that works, too. ;-)

Going short...When word count is worrisome

When I finished the first typewritten draft of Shadow of Redemption, my newest novel about a girl who hides from the world but is forced into the light to help save some people she's grown to love, I ended up with about 37,000 words. As most "authorities" in the world of YA will tell you, that's mighty short of the 50 to 55,000 word MINIMUM you need for a YA novel. "Oh, but don't look at word count," they amend. "Make sure you have a good story. If you add fillers, the readers won't read it." Well, two for two, but here's the kicker: if you don't have the minimum, the publishers won't publish it. If you add fillers, the publishers won't publish it. So....

Honestly, I'm not really worried. All I need is 13 to 18,000 words--a few more chapters--and I'm golden. I just have to make them GOOD chapters. HONEST chapters. Not simply add-ons to fill the pages. So here are my options (and I can use a combination of choices, of course!).

Option #1 - Add another point of view: Currently, the book is only from Emily's point of view. I'd prefer to keep it that way. As a reader, I get confused when the writer keeps switching POVs, but if done right, two points of view can make a book much more interesting. I have enough side material on Daniel, the other main character, (I had to, otherwise I couldn't keep up with what was going on behind the scenes), that I can easily fill out the extra word count. The only "loss" is that the reader has less tension in trying to figure out the questions about Emily's past, origins, etc., but I can create other tensions. I would prefer to create a novella tentatively called, "Shifting Perspectives: Daniel's Story" and use it as a free or cheep e-book to promote the novel. (And yes, the title is a pun and I'm not going to tell you why.)

Option #2 - Take a look at her "empty" days: Right now, there are a lot of days that Emily isn't "doing" anything. While the reader doesn't need to know how many times Emily does dishes, goes shopping, or goes to the laundry mat, there are some additional adventures I can send her on/people I can have her meet that will help her reach her ultimate decision at the end of the book. I can have her consider her past as well, but I *hates me them flashbacks* when they run too long. A little can be cool. A lot can ruin a story. If I choose this option, it HAS to work toward the main plot, otherwise it is simply filler.

Option #3 - Expand the ending: This is a tricky one. As someone who LOVES Lord of the Rings, I was one of those fans that sighed just a *tiny* bit at the extended ending sequences of Peter Jackson's last movie in the trilogy. Yes, he had a lot of plot to finish. Yes, it was masterfully done. But come on, dude. Four hours of move, no matter how good, and we're ready to take a restroom break, take a walk, and get outta there! Right now Shadow ends BOOM. Done. I like it. No discussion, no down time, just "Oh, hello! Ending! Tie up the plot and lets get some pizza!" I could write one more chapter and BETTER explain the fallout from the final confrontation, but the reader already knows what's going to happen. Why insult the reader by telling him/her what he/she knows is going to happen? This is one I'll have to think about a lot to make it work.

Option #4 - Something I haven't thought of yet: Isn't that always the option the good author takes, is the one the reader doesn't expect? So maybe there's an option I haven't thought of that's the best one.

So sometimes revision isn't cutting, it's adding. Which for me isn't hard, it's just a matter of choosing the best of the crazy wackiness that's careening around in my head. After I input all the current paper revisions, I'm going to give it to a few readers, let *them* give me suggestions for additions (hehe, didn't I say I had an option #4?) and we'll go from there. Emily is one of my favorite characters I've created to date and I can't wait to see what people think about this super introvert who's going to have fits trying to learn social skills she should have learned 10 years ago. SO fun!